Monday, May 27, 2013

On Break Ups

you know I always thought that when people broke up and they all said..... it was sudden.... I didn't see it coming.... that they were just being silly how could they not see it coming how could they not realize what was going on... I didn't see it coming this for tornadoes and other natural disasters... not for relationships..... this time it was me I didn't see it coming... I didn't expect it to happen.... especially over a text message... yes that is how my relationship ended over text message.... it went from we've grown apart too we can still be friends to you deserve better than me and all of the usual cliches in between and when I finally asked the one question that had been burned back of my brain 'have met someone else?' I think I already knew the answer... we went from being in love to have nothing in common at all he had everything in common with her he could tell her things he couldn't tell me....wouldn't tell me.... experiences that he couldn't share..... and now I'm picking up the pieces... thanks to some amazing friends.. it's over....

Then you look back and you start to think, you start to wonder, and you start to regret. And regret in itself is an inner demon. One you wrestle with late at night when no one else is around but you're still awake and staring at the ceiling. Regret is a demon that takes you out dancing and drinking on Friday nights and twirls you around and around and around until up and is no longer up and down is something that you are trying desperately to escape from. Then one day you wake up and realize, that by living your life you have nothing to regret. To regret something is to wish you had never done it and by not doing it you would not know what you know now and you would not have grown as a person, an individual, a soul. Then ever so slowly you let go of regret and with each little bit you let go you gain a part of yourself back that you never even knew you had lost and with each bit of yourself that you get back you get a little bit strong. This does not happen right away though, you see, but it does happen. Eventually.