There I said it.

I feel alone in my relationship.


There I said it.


I am not saying it is true, I am not saying that is how things are I am saying that is how I FEEL.  It does not mean that I am alone in my relationship. It means that for whatever reason due to my life up to this point I look at my relationship and I feel alone.

I don't like that he talks to people, probably mostly women all night while I am asleep. I don't like that I almost always go to bed alone and spend most of the night by myself. I don't like that I work and go to school and still do all the cooking and the dishes and the house. I don't like that I don't feel pretty enough for him and that I know he doesn't really love me.


That's not fair.


I don't know that he doesn't love me.


He very well could.

I doubt it.

But he could.


I don't like that I feel this way and I am not sure how to stop it. Well, I mean, I know some people would say to simply tell myself that I'm being a self centered prat and stop thinking it.


I wish it was that easy people.


I don't like that I can't trust him, much less myself.  I don't like that I have to do all this for a relationship that I feel alone in.


It makes me resentful, it makes me wish he would just leave.


There is more to life than this?


Right?


I mean, in a perfect world you would have a guy who would hold you until you fall asleep, who'd be in bed with you when you wake up in the morning and who wouldn't stay up all night talking on Facebook to other people.  Who wouldn't constantly make you feel, through just the things he says and does that you are not good enough. Clarification on that last point- he is not doing them intentionally, that I know of. He is just being himself and it is me that is reading what I read into them.  If I am wrong and he is doing them intentionally then he needs to be shot. That's serial manipulation right there and should be fucking illegal.

Who would remember to do the dishes the one time you ask him to after you'd been through a horrible woman's doctor appointment and the thought of standing at the sink literally brought tears to your eyes.


And you are the one who is made to feel bad when you call him a lazy fuck.


I know there are people who have it worse than me. That the last thing I should be is bitching and whining about a relationship that I continue to stay in.

That's my own personal hell.


The standing joke is that I find the nearest asshole within a 500 mile radius and have to be with him no matter what.


Good to know my powers aren't wavering.


The thing I can't stand is that I know, to an extent, these feelings are complete bullshit.


They're just stupid and yet I feel them.


One of the things I am learning is to not belittle how I feel. I feel it for a reason. I need to look at that feeling and try to find out why I feel the way I feel and to try and figure out what needs to happen so that I can turn that feeling into something strong, something to build on,something positive.

I'm not good at this yet.


In fact I suck at it.


There. I said it.




*This post is mainly for me. If you find yourself in a similar situation and find comfort in my words you're welcome. If you have anything negative to say, save your breath, I've already told myself worse that you could ever type.

Coffee Snob

There is a coffee place in town called Coffee Waves...for MONTHS all I heard was "Coffee Waves, Coffee Waves, yayaya...." now me...I've been a DEVOTED Starbucks fan for...well.....ever....the only thing that can make me NOT go to Starbucks is one of two things.


1. My bestie Heather making me coffee in the mornings (she's the bomb and she's usually in her skivs so win win)

and


2. I'm broke- cause face it. Starbucks is NOT cheap. In the lease. So I look for ways to EARN Starbucks Gift Cards for FREE online. I do this on several sites because all it takes is a bit of my time and I get to reap the steaming white mocha rewards. Venti please. Extra whip.

How do i get starbucks gift card you make ask? One site and my current favorite is InstaGC.  Seriously wicked easy and not like most sites where you have to do soooooo many things to earn even a point. You get points for listening to the radio. The radio. Yeah. Just tune into their station and let the music soothe your ragged soul..... or distract you from working in my case.

So what are you waiting for? Hope on over. Sign up. Remember to confirm your email and start earning some serious points.


Don't like Starbucks? That's fine! That have a ton of vendors such as Amazon.com, Bath & Body Works, Yankee Candle....etc....its' easy to pick your poison!


So what are you waiting for?



Sign up already!

How old is Grandma?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end... It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother
About current events.

The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought
About the shootings at schools, the computer age, and
Just things in general. 

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute,

I was born before:

' television 
' penicillin 
' polio shots 
' frozen foods 
' Xerox 
' contact lenses 
' Frisbees and 
' the pill 

There were no:

' credit cards 
' laser beams or 
' ball-point pens 

Man had not yet invented:

' pantyhose 
' air conditioners 
' dishwashers 
' clothes dryers 
' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and 
' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir."

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man
With a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and
Wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was
A bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with
Your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the
Evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the
Evenings and weekends — not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CD's, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent (5 and dime) stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, but who could
Afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' "grass" was mowed, 
' "coke" was a cold drink, 
' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and 
' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. 
' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
' "chip" meant a piece of wood,
' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and.
' "software" wasn't even a word.

We were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

We volunteered to protect our precious country.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?


Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready?????

This woman would be only 61 years old.
She would have been born in late 1952.

GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. 

Valentines Day

Ah Yes,



The Hallmark Holiday! The day when guys have to dole out tons of cash to makes us girls happy and in return we show our appreciation at home.....after the lights go out....


This is the way it has been for- who knows how many years?

Well I personally think its a bunch of bullshit.

I don't want a guy who goes out of his way to show me he loves me one day out of the year by buying me a fancy dinner or whatever.


You want to show me you love me? Do the dishes for me...do a load of laundry...pick the clothes up off the floor....make dinner!


That's how I know you love me- not by you taking me out to eat at some place we really can't afford.....


Besides.....when a guy spends a ton of money on you he naturally expects you to put out....and yeah....I want to have romantic liaisons with my guy because I love him and I want to share that experience with him. Not because he bought me shiney things....I am not a shiney thing prostitute...unless that shiney thing is a #Kitchenaid Stand Mixer  that I've wanted for like 6 years....then I'm sooooo a shiney thing prostitute...



Just Kidding....



#kinda




#happyvalentinesday


#iactuallyhatethisdaywithapassion

Pinecone Research Still Accepting New Members!

**It’s not too late to take advantage of this special opportunity to refer households to apply for membership on the PineCone Research panel.**  If you have already assisted with this effort - thank you and please feel free to disregard this email.

Share the benefits of being a PineCone Research member with your friends or relatives!

PineCone Research is growing and we invite you to help!   We are offering select members the opportunity to recommend membership to a friend or relative who is NOT a member of their household. 

Do you know of households that would like to join the PineCone Research Panel? If so, please FORWARD A COPY of this email to each household you would like to refer so that they may click on the registration link shown below.  That household should complete the registration form themselves and submit it. REMEMBER THAT ONLY ONE PERSON PER HOUSEHOLD MAY REGISTER. Multiple registrations of the same Household will void all registrations.

Here is the link to the registration:

http://www.pineconeresearch.com/signup/ds710.aspx

As a member in good standing, you've already seen the benefits of being part of PineCone Research. So please, share the benefits of membership with a friend. Don't forget, please don't tell them about any of the products that you have seen in our questionnaires or tried in your home. Remember, it's important that your PineCone Research survey and product testing experiences remain confidential.

If your referral has any questions, they can email us at scott@pineconeresearch.com or click on the link to learn more about PineCone Research.

http://www.pineconeresearch.com//policy.htm

While this is not a paid referral program, we genuinely appreciate your help in spreading the word that PINECONE IS GROWING!

Thank you,

Karen Scott

Web site: http://www.pineconeresearch.com

Yeah- I coupon- why don't you?

So several years ago I use to coupon hard core- I also had more room than I have now, more time than I have now and well more of everything that what I have now. But my friend Maria got me back into and this weekend we decided we were going to hit the stores and see what deals we could grab.

Well Stores ended up being CVS. I love CVS and there is one right next to my house so that makes it even better. Saving money and saving gas- win win!


I did three trips this weekend and here is my haul:

First Trip-

OOP- $7.48  TMC- Approximately $52

Second trip was after work...didn't grab as much but came out better with the OOP cost:

$1.77 OOPS   TMC- Approx $15-$20

My Last trip I got some big items, namely the Aveeno which retail for $7.49 a pop- and the Crest BE which is $4.99 a box. 

OOP:  $20.24  TMC: $53

Recap:

All Laundry Pods- 4

Edge Shaving Cream- 4

Skintamite Shaving Cream- 1

Toothpaste- 6

Mouthwash- 2

Dawn Dish Soap- 8

Aveeno Body Wash- 3

Playtex Sport- 1

Approximate Cost of Merchandise: $125.00

Total Out of Pocket Cost: $29.49

That is 24% of the total cost meaning I saved 76%.



Yeah- I love couponing...



So yeah- I coupon.....



And why aren't you?