The "Like" Factor....

Okay, I know this sounds weird and I may lose you at some point here, but bear with me...you very well may be in a relationship with someone you don't like....


There.


I said it...


And the fact is that it is entirely true...and it happens every day...

I know, I've been in several the most recent on lasting two years....yeah I told him I loved him...and yeah, for the most part I meant it...I did love him...I just didn't like him....at all...not even a little bit....


All of his habits, the way he did things, the way he moved and talked to me....made me want to shoot him on a daily basis....


You do not feel this way with someone you like....


Don't get me wrong, I am not saying this is a bad thing...on the contrary this blog is suppose to be going in a completely different direction......


In the direction of it is really okay to like someone......there is nothing wrong with it! When have we put so much emphasis on jumping straight to "I Love You" by doing so we've diminished the meaning of these words to the point we are basically saying "I Like You" when we tell our hopeful partner "I Love You".

Why do we do this? Consistently....relationship after relationship.....

A lot of times we jump head first into a relationship because it feels good...and we all want to feel good...let's face it and if we can get that feel good feeling from the affection of another person instead of intrinsically....we go for it....like me and Golden Corral's rolls and honey butter...it's going to happen and it's going to happen more than once...

The problem with this approach is we don't take the time to actually spend time with that person and to get to know them......

out of bed......

I am being serious....

Once you spend 6+ hours a day for more than five days with a person and you get a pretty good idea on if you're going to be able to stand them on a long term basis rather quickly.....this buffer period also gives you a chance to make sure that you are equally compatible with him....

This is a good way to determine if you are going to end up having homicidal dreams about that person on a nightly basis and end up having to spend hundreds of dollars for counseling just to keep yourself from following through with it and ending up with a script for Xanax and mood stabilizers.


So when did it become such an ordeal to actually like someone.....to just look at the person and say "I like you" and with those three little words you mean so much more...you mean that you acknowledge them as a person...that you recognize their faults....flaws...and silly little idiosyncrasies...that you value their strengths as well as weaknesses and that you value your time with me as the gift it is (never let someone make you feel like your time with them isn't a gift...it's a gift...your time is valuable and anyone you spend an extraordinary amount of time with that doesn't appreciate it....then you need to spend less time with them....)


I have recently been spending time with someone (see I told you this would make since eventually) and I Like Him....I can say it....I know what it means....I have spent I don't know how many hours with him just talking and visiting and telling stories.....I enjoy my time with him and appreciate the time he does spend with me because like me he is busy and I am humbled that he spends what free time he has with me....


I can say I like him and not bat an eye....does this mean I like everything about him? No....he has some habits that are annoying (who doesn't) but are so trivial in comparison to all the things I do like about him that they don't bother me as much as they would normally....and that is how it is when you like someone....the good out weigh the bad...and while you know there are some bad traits you just don't give a damn....cause you would still rather spend time with them when they are being annoying than not at all...

He has not (in a serious all jokes aside I really mean this) said it in return....and this is bothering me.....and I know that doesn't make a lick of sense...why should I care if he hasn't said it or not....just the fact that he is spending his free time with me and point a , b, c and the cat in the cradle and you can't compare apples and oranges blah blah blah....

It matters because after a certain point you have to know where you stand with a person....you have to know that you mean more than just a distraction....you have to know they LIKE you....for being you....for your quirky personality.....for the fact that turned up shirt sleeves drive you crazy.....for the fact that you are you and yeah, there is probably a something he'd change about you, but for the best parts he wouldn't change a bit....

How One Woman Changed my Life...and we've never even met.

I've been trying to keep up on my blogging and I promise that I will share more amazing things that I find in a little while but I just wanted to stop and take a moment and just visit.

Just to sit down and talk a while.

I know some people find it confusing. I was engaged, now I'm not, now I'm dating; who is this, what is that, what is going on, I don't know, it's so confusing, what to do......


Normally before I wouldn't have dreamed to be doing what I am doing now. Dating, trying to find someone who loves me for me, and who doesn't just want me because of what I can give him. Looking for someone who compliments me, not just flatters, and someone who wants the same things that I do and has the same values.....

How did  I come about this change you may ask?


Well, I want to introduce you the person who has been most beneficial to my self esteem. Brittany Gibbons (http://brittanyherself.com).

This woman has changed the way people like myself, view themselves and it is all for the better. She has reinforced that we are beautiful, each and every one of us and we shouldn't make any changes to ourselves for anyone other than ourselves.

I have sent a couple of messages to Brittany but Lord only knows how many she gets in a day and I never expect a response, they are more therapy for me than for anything else. I wanted to share a few of them with you. The first was sent while I was still engaged, the second I just sent a few minutes ago but both show the profoundness of what she has shown me and how much it is desperately needed in the plus size community.


Message One: April 29th, 2:11pm

2:11pm

I know you probably get 15 million FB messages a day but I just had to share what happened this weekend with you. My fiancee and I have been together for what seems like forever! When I first found your blog I was telling him all about it and about how you are trying to make women feel better about themselves and to love themselves for who they are, which was amazing to me because I grew being told "I would be pretty if...... - I lost weight - I wore dresses - I wore make up etc, well this weekend I was stalki....reading your blog and came across your TED episode. So as I was watching it I started to notice that my fiancee wasn't killing monsters as frequently on his game, and as your clothes came off he leaned over close and close and when you were finally there in your bathing suit he finally goes "what the hell are you watching?!" to which I simply replied " you remember me telling you about that blog I found that was completely inspiring and I loved reading and finally made me feel good about myself. It's her and she is the most amazing thing to happen in my life....since you of course dear" But don't worry....I think you are more amazing than him! Don't stop what you are doing....we need it down here!

Message Two:

13 minutes ago

1:38pm

Brittany- this one is for you.....I started reading your blog and stalking...I mean following you about 4 months ago, and in those four months you have changed my world. I bought and have received my first two pairs of shorts in about 10 years. Probably longer. I pulled them out of the bag and stared at them....sighed and put them on trying not the think about the number on the tag and how the tag should be bigger to make the number look smaller...and I smiled...I ran downstairs to show my sister who lives to rag on me...I stood in the door way to the laundry room where she was swapping loads and said " what do you think" she looked at me for a second, cocked her head to the side and said "you need some sun" I sighed and shifted feet "well, I know that....what do you think about the shorts?!" and as I waited for her response she looked at me again and said " IDK I can't tell where the shorts end and your legs begin, they're the same color!!" I threw the dish towel at her....but I know they must look good cause she is the first one who would tell me if they really didn't.... So, tonight as I put on my shorts for a date with the British guy I met the other day, I will think of you and know that just because I am not skinny, does not mean I am not beautiful...and I will thank my lucky stars I found you (in a totally non creepy way)

So the next time that you see someone who does not fit your point of view on what people should be think...who are you to judge and who are you to say what is right and what is wrong....cause the way I see it.

God made man in his image, and I've never met God so I don't know what he looks like...

So maybe you know something I don't know....and maybe (more likely scenario) you need to get your head out of your ass.

Ranger.......

I think I will start this foray into my dating again with probably the worst of the bunch. In an effort to conceal the identity of all involved, but me, everyone will be given code names......to protect the innocent and such garbage yada yada yada....


Ranger was cute, blonde, SKINNY (lol), and i'm sorry to say a bit off his rocker. The first time I talked to him he was in the ER due to kicking a step while running (something I am sure will never happen to me unless I decide to take up running (haha) and should I decide to take up running would promptly happen. I digress. I made a smart ass comment (who ME?!) about welcome to the City we don't kick rocks around here lol....well later I get a text, basically, since I've deleted them and can't go back read, he went off on me. Accusing me of not being single, trying to steal single guys away from single girls who are actually looking (on the premise I'm not single) and even went as far as to accuse me of lying about what happened with my ex and a couple of other things I told him...


First off, I wouldn't lie about that....what happened happened I can even prove it, second, what makes you think that you're even important enough for me to lie to? Not that I ever condone lying, but I mean, I haven't even met you and I am not about to create a ton of bullshit to have to wade through about lying to you about who I am....


he said he didn't want to talk anymore, which was perfectly fine with me and I deleted his number and all the texts we had sent.


No harm.


No Foul.


Then he started texting me again, and I swear this boy had to be bi polar cause it was complete script flip on me and against my better judgment I agreed to meet him.



Whoa, mistakes are something I am good at let me tell you.


So I met him, bought his MP3 player for $2.37 just enough for him to get whiskey and we sat by the bay front and talked before I took him home....


*shakes head*


sometime I amaze myself really I do....



It basically ended with him tryin to make me his chauffeur and when I went off on him we parted ways...he tried to text again but I ignored him.



And my mama says I don't learn from my mistakes lol



Lawl.....

A Month

As I sit here at work drinking my morning coffee and getting started on the days tasks I realize....It's been a month since I have made any kind of update. I am shocked. I can't believe a  month has flown by that quickly and that I have not had the time to do the one thing that I love to do.....share things with you wonderful people.


Things have settled in nicely for me. As nicely as they can. I am still living with friends and with only a few minor hiccups things are going well. At least I think they are. I will have to check with Penny and see.

I am now working two jobs, one full time the other part time on top of school.

I also started dating again, I know, it scares me too, and let me tell you it is not all it's cracked up to be.


I have met some truly wonderful people and some that I honestly wish to never hear from again. It's fun to talk about them with friends and get their opinions on situations but as always it is my opinion that matters most.....and I've not quite the mind to have one yet.

I do sincerely wish some of the fellows I've been meeting lived closer. It is blast it all difficult to keep driving to see them, even if they do help with gas.  It is really that hard to live close to civilization? And by civilization I mean the City?


I have been down here in the City for 3 years now....and every day I find something new that I never knew before and it makes me love it all the more, but, I do miss my family and seeing them all the time. Especially the girls, they are getting so big and growing so much.


Just the other day miss Boo said she didn't want a skirt because it was too "Plaidy" another because it was too "dotty" and the third just because it "wasn't her". I don't remember having that much of an opinion on what I wore when I was five...as long as I was clothed I was fine. I could be wrong.... I don't remember much of anything from back then and I could have been the most opinionated little five year old brat of the early 90s.....


C'est la vie.


I have some really wonderful new recipes that I am excited to share with you and if you have any suggestions on what you would like to see please let me know!


We'll get back to the "dating" issues in another episode.


Cheerio!